I have always been someone who, like many of us, has struggled with weight and body image. When I went to University, my body really began to change. I didn’t gain the ‘first year-15’. I was cooking for myself and doing a lot more physical activity. I struggled to balance this with the ample opportunities to eat tasty fries, juicy burgers, and my nemesis the long island iced-tea. I have always prided myself on being able to dress my body type, but I was starting to feel less enthusiastic about what the exact shape of my body was. By second year, I had gotten my full adult, curvalicious body and I think I was ready for a change. My family back home had started doing Weight Watchers and I thought they were totally nuts. I tried it at Christmas, after much protesting and realized hey….maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe this body could look even better….
The next summer, I joined my family, and through many ups and downs on the program was able to lose 25 pounds. I never thought that I could do it, but honestly, without any exercise at all, it was fairly easy. I ate what I wanted, but I learned what some of my food issues were, and how I might be able to change that for the better!
I felt fabulous, a feeling I hadn’t felt in a really long time.
Over the next two years of school, although I didn’t stick with the program, a lot of the habits stuck with me, but between the stress of school, surgery, moving a few times, working in a mall, I was really starting to feel a little less fabulous. Although that positive body image was still with me, I knew that I could do it, and if I felt this good still, imagine how good I could feel if I got on the bandwagon again. This was me, about to graduate, feeling fine, but not feeling my best!
I tried to challenge myself to do things I haven’t done before, try new foods, try exercising (which I thought I hated) and most of all feel more fabulous than I ever have before. I lost 32 lbs total. HOLY WOW. I ran my first 10km races, I started playing rugby, I felt amazing. But I was blocked and ended up plateauing at that darned 32 lb mark.
How I thought I was able to stay there….I did for a year. Then somehow fast forward…
At the beginning of this year, I had hit, what I hope is my rock bottom. My skinny jeans weren’t fitting, my bras had a little too much back fat, and my self-esteem was taking a huge plunge. SO, you know what they say. Third times the charm?! I was in the middle of my second year playing rugby with some fab fit women and made the choice to bid on a personal trainer. I was going to go do my 3 sessions and get the heck out of there. Maybe learn some things and do it on my own. I worked out, totally petrified, and at the end, stepped on the scale. I had gained every pound and more back. I know a lot of it was muscle from my added exercise. But honestly, I burst into tears. I felt like a failure. But, I picked myself up and signed on for a year to train with this goofy guy named Brad. I think I still hate working out, but you know what, it’s part of my life now.
That last post, I thought might be the end of the ups and downs. I don’t think 3 times is always the charm, isn’t it 4th times the one that finally sticks. I think I made that up, but a girls got to do what a girls go to do. After a year of working out 4-6 times a week, eating mostly clean, and crushing goals, I had lost about 43 lbs. I was 7lbs away from my ultimate goal when an accident struck. I was skiing on an off day from rugby and managed to completely tear my ACL. Devastating is an understatement. A few months later I went in for surgery and the recovery was brutal.
Not only the physical pain, but the emotional toll it took on me ran much deeper.
Here I am, almost a year later. Gained 15 lbs back, and really ready to get back to a happier life. I had given up on blogging because I was so damn busy, eating pretty boring food, and living alone, which makes it not so much fun to make things pretty. I hope you follow me along to see some of the tasty things I am making, and the progress that goes with that. Let’s live a delicious and fabulous life!
You will find a lot of my recipes have twists and tips to help you feel a little happier about yourself whether that be new ingredients, or a smaller waist line, or swap outs for any lifestyle. Also, I have decided that I need to write down some of my feelings. I have a lot of them. If you know me, you know that to be true. I would like that stupid little voice in my head to be put down on paper and maybe you will get a little insight into the crazy world inside of my tiny head!
Enjoy happy, healthy (for the most part), eating and living!