So, on June 7th, I finished my third Goddess Race and sixth 10km race. If you would have asked me a couple of years ago what I would be doing now, I would have cackled in your face, and my answer would have had definitely nothing to do with running. But alas, there’s something about it that keeps drawing me back in.
My goal was to better last years time, which I figured would be an easy feat as I didnt have the best time from the year before (new course, lotso hills, ugh). I was ready to go! I have been feeling a bit emotional since the run and I wanted to gain some perspective and not just write a poor me post, but it seems like some of those emotions have stuck around, so here they are!
I started the run raring to go with a great group of women around me, but I realized very quickley, about km .5, yes 0.5, that I just didn’t seem to be hitting my stride. I kept thinking that it will come, it will come, sometimes it takes you a bit longer to find that groove, but that just never seemed to happen. It was so bloody hot outside, and by km 3, all I could think was, “would they kick me off the course if I took off my pants and ran in a thong?!”. I kept running, and around km 4.5, the tears started flowing, I knew the big hill was coming up and I just wanted to quit. I sucked up, walked up the hill swearing, and thankfully on the other side saw some wonderful running buddies that boosted my spirits. Then, my ankle did what it did best and decided to roll. A nice quick snap that took me off balance. My Sole Sisters that were running right in front of me turned right around and consoled my crying, snotty, face and somehow gave me that extra little bit to push forward.
Needless to say, I somehow ran the rest of the 5km in differing amounts of pain and heat and frustration, managed to stop at the lipstick station, and finished 2 min slower than last year. Although I know I should feel like I really accomplished something, I was really left with a feeling of dissatisfaction. I felt like I could have done better. What the emotional side of my brain can’t seem to comprehend is that getting to the finish line, pushing through, heck, even getting to the start line, was a win in itself. Thanks logic, at least you get it.
What I have realized, is that I can do things that I didnt think I could do, I can push my body to the point I wasn’t sure it could go, and that deep down, I am uncovering these extra sensitive layers of fat that seem to cause a lot of tears and emotions, but maybe those are the ones that are holding a vice grip to the butt fat beneath it. So I am going to keep running, even if those tears keep flowing, and one day, I am going to cross that finish line with time to spare!